Ten Convenient Commandments?

As I write this, it is Sunday morning, the one day in seven set apart by God for His worship that we might fill up our souls, preparing us to face the onslaught of the world in the coming week. This good gift of sabbath rest from God (called 'the Lord's Day' in the New Testament) is often overlooked by modern day Christians in pursuit of their own pleasures. I wonder which of the other ten commandments are overlooked, avoided or secretly scorned by Christians today? A few years ago, journalist Erik Lacitis wrote a sadly humorous piece reveals how we conveniently rewrite the ten commandments when they do not conform to our hidden (or not so hidden) lusts. Perhaps we Reformed, American evangelicals would rewrite them this way:

I. You shall have no other gods before me. Unless its a preaching celebrity as God-centered as John Piper or as passionate as CJ Mahaney - then a little hero-worship is perfectly acceptable.

II. You shall not make for yourself a graven image. You shall not bow down to them or serve them. Unless its the blueprints for a new church expansion. After all, we're just building the Kingdom.

III. You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain. But it's ok to laugh as a professional pagan does it when you're watching an HBO comedy special.

IV. Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Unless your son has a soccer game, your daughter has a piano recital or the lake cabin is calling. Besides, you can just download the sermon later in the week at your convenience.

V. Honor your father and your mother. Although they are really convenient to blame for all your sin-tendencies, neuroses and personal dysfunctions.

VI. You shall not kill. Unless they look Arab and their wife's third cousin once made an anti-American remark. Then they don't deserve to share this planet with nice people like us.

VII. You shall not commit adultery. Unless, of course, you're watching Pride and Prejudice and begin to fantasize about what it would be like to be married to Mr. Darcy, who's so much more passionate toward Elisabeth Bennet than your husband is toward you (and being the wife of a gazillionaire wouldn't be bad either).

VIII. You shall not steal. Unless it's some of your company's time during the work day so you can make some quick on-line purchases, watch a couple of U-Tube videos and make a speedy blog post.

IX. You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor. Unless, of course, he's a flaming liberal politician who is Satan incarnate and you have to warn all your friends about just how dangerous he is. You'll include some facts, and then throw in some inflamatory accusations you don't have firm evidence for but which are probably true.

X. You shall not covet your neighbor's wife or goods. Unless she excels in exactly the areas in which your wife disappoints you the most. We're not talking adultery here, just a little coveting.